The Gift of Sex

Date: Nov 30, 2018
Category: Review Category


This study is an book review "The Gift of Sex" and my reactions for every part of the book. In addition to the physical sex aspect, there is a spiritual sex aspect that is mainly neglected by the today’s culture and Christians. The authors contend that sex is an emotional and spiritual act, involving a person, their soul, spirit and body. There is a link to the sexual association of the husband, as well as wife and a friendly relationship between man and God. Exposing to this reality can bring fulfilment and freedom in marriage and religion. There are numerous aspects of the sexual life between a wife and husband, apart from attaining sexual pleasure. Although there can be various different interferences that may befall any couple, like vaginitis and erectile dysfunction, there is confidence and support for everyone. With the right attitude towards one another and the sexual link, couples may find support and overcome all sexual displeasure. The book highlights the problems that everyone experiences regarding sex lives, offering a solution to such problems and giving advice on how to attain a healthy sex experience. Sex was offered to man by God as being a gift. More as its soul necessity was for procreation, the final enjoyment and the friendly emotions that are induced by the intercourse are destined to be fulfilling to a person body's desire. In this case, therefore, this paper discusses how to position oneself to that place that they may experience this final gift (Penner, 2003).

A Biblical Perspective

For the many of the individuals in the Church, sexuality and sex are not a theme that is readily discussed. It is annotated over by referencing of the Ten Commandments. The seventh commandment articulates that, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” (Exodus 20:14). As well, Jesus said about this in the New Testament, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ However, he went on and articulated that anyone who admires a woman lustfully has committed adultery already with her in the heart,” (Matthew 5:27-28). These stanzas might imply to many that to converse about sexuality and sex is to sin. On the other hand, the entire scripture is God-respired and is helpful for teaching, correcting, training and rebuking in the righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). It must comprise instruction on how sexuality and sex is God’enthused and controlled in the proper outline. Naturally, this is not connecting just to the procreation, and it is an essential constituent of the marriage. Almost everyone comprising the church perceives human sexuality to be detached from theology. Penner and Penner (2003) articulated that this is not the biblical understanding of the human sexuality. God's importance of sexuality of an individual and sexuality in the marriage connection is clearly shown in the Bible. Regarding sexuality, Penner and Penner (2003) resist, is the God’s gift to be enjoyed and experienced between a wife and her man. The link between a woman and her man is one of the earnest commitments one human being can achieve to another. It is a lifelong commitment to respect, cherish and be faithful till death to the other person. God has offered a precious sex gift within the environment of a marital affiliation only.

The Physical Dimension

This initial chapter concentrates on the intimacy fulfilment. According to the writer, most married people always have hardships in getting the sex pleasure from an ardent physical relationship. This is not because of their age, their suitability, physical or marital condition. To attain this passion, the couples have got some fundamental responsibilities to fulfil. Like any other supplier of strengthening the connection, the physical relationship of couples has its relationship influence. This power depends on the couple, who are able to take it and be a mean of expressing their approaches towards one another, or treat as merely an avenue for the pro-creation. The alteration of the two factors is usually determined by how dedicated the couple is to advancing their physical life (Penner & Penner, 2003).

Majority of individuals are yet to recognize that sex is the primary gift that was conferred on us by our living God. Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner elucidate in this chapter the importance of couples trusting in this notion. In the New Testament, it is evidently highlighted that God gave mankind sexuality as the principal gift. It was a section of His strategy for pro-creation and much more it was for physical affection. Dr. Penner highlights that sex is not a thing to be mortified of when it is performed for the right reason between a husband and a wife. This chapter casts some light on how sexual happiness can be realized in the marriage. When two individuals get married, it is expected by both that there will be an active sex relationship among them. Sex among the two must be capable of unifying them as one (Strauss, 2001).

To add on this, the body of human beings is vulnerable to any damage owing sicknesses and injuries. Nonetheless, if these physical predicaments can be handled, they must not be permitted to be a reason for not having the desired sexual intimacy. It is our duty to care for physiques whenever we realize that we are running out of our healthy status. In the chapter, the writers insist that couples must be capable of resolving issues in the relationship that either of them has once it comes with the body image. The body image has got more to do with things it comes to the sexual relationship. Every couple has got a test to bring with them into the bedroom, namely, a healthy appearing physique. This will assist the advance in sexual intimacy (Stanton & Healther, 2002).

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In the chapter, the writer seeks to expand on the significance of having healthy bodies. Sex life requires from one being of the greatest health so that he or she can present it to the partner. Comprehending how our bodies function will go a long way supporting us in understanding how one can care for their body. Majority of people do not take their time to call at the clinic for regular check, test and advice in order to remain healthy. Dr. Penner counsels on the advantages that are intertwined once we take our time to see physicians in order so that we can comprehend our bodies. This enables us to understand what impacts our sex determination and, as an outcome, gets to advance standards of the bodily relationship we have with our cohorts. The examples that are offered in this chapter are appropriate for detailing the content (Penner & penner, 2003).

Additionally, the chapter debates on how much time a couple should spend together. Majority of couples take their time, and they spend most of their time together taking it for granted. The writers insist that this moment always takes an immense responsibility when it comes to the way sex part turns. To the standard persons it might look like a very fundamental thing; however, the research has demonstrated that the majority of spouses always disregard this section of the bond. Nonetheless, it is not a stupid thing to do as many of couples who have children always find it very hard to take time for themselves (Strauss, 2001).

The Bible evidently details that marriage is destined for companionship. Much as they have the family to care for, in this paper couples are counselled to have some time alone as well. This has an effect on their sexual lives. The energy conservation in a bond is very essential. When communicating about this matter in the book chapter, Dr. Penner is not denoting the energy in electric form. Instead, this refers to the body energy. We usually show our longing for sex by how we depict our desire for it. If the vigour that is supposed to be our sex determination is, being used for other activities and none is being preserved, it might affect our sexuality lives. Saving more of our energies for our partners is counselled to offer the total fulfilment that is projected from us to our spouses (Stanton & Healther, 2002). 

Distractions whilst having sex is one more drawback that the majority of couples usually experience. In this book, the counsel offered by the author is that couples must engage in a sex act with their concentrations free of issues that might cause interruptions (Penner & Penner, 2003). There are only few persons that are capable of multi-tasking during the sex performance. As an outcome, we always see ourselves as victims of our mistakes. It is important to eradicate those problems that are instigating the stress in your connection. In addition, when you get the sex share, it will be the smoothest matter. With this two problems taken care of, Penner and Penner assure a much more improved sexual rapport.

Each moment couples have got problems with sexual dysfunction, majority of them find it hard to precise them openly to their partners and spouses. These sensual dysfunctions can lead to sex life turning to be problematic, and neither spouse is usually willing to take up and accept the responsibility. In the book, the authors evidently lay it down that not unless one can be frank to another regarding sex-related affairs, the two of the spouses can get it very tough. Honesty is the only manner in which the couples can maintain together to practice that full relationship as it is supposed to be.

The Total Experience

Conferring to authors of the book, there is nothing wrong with a couple engaging in sex exercise. Sex is believed to be the gift that was offered to the mankind by God Himself. All the thrilling feelings that we usually get from attractive sex were provided to us for a good purpose. When conferring this feeling founded on us, God deemed for us to relish it. Nonetheless, this must be at the best time and all cost to the appropriate people. Some persons understand that God does not need them to have enjoyment through restricting sex.

Furthermore, in this book, Dr. Penner details that God wants us to practice this. Before we initialize engaging ourselves in the sex act, God needs every man to get to meet that unique woman that he will marry and settle down with as the best companion in his marriage. Together with this one person in mind, God knows that every one of the spouse will be capable of having a palate of what he required to make. This is the final involvement that comes with suggesting the broad understanding of pleasure during cherished sex (Beam 2006).

Majority of people do not experience the best feeling as God wanted them to do. People usually have an idea in them that non-following the ethical guidelines and rotating a blind on eyes will bring them from not having muddled senses when practicing the sex activities. They believe that these ethical principles always block their route to realize the intimacy. The comprehensive opposite of this notion is what is exclusively real when it attains to what God intends. The Lord envisioned for us to stand by this ethical principle so that when that period comes, one has married and settled down and henceforth experiences eventual sex with the appropriate spouse.

Resolving Difficulties

In this book, Dr. Penner contends that research has demonstrated that in the majority of marriages, the predicament arises once the couple start staying in the same place. Sex experience has been in the forefront when it comes to this matter being resolved. Most couples decide to remain mute regarding this problem, as they do not understand how to address it. Rendering to Dr. Penner, spouses that rarely talk about this problem are usually the ones who get offended easily in their sexual affiliation. Having real sex experience is always as an outcome of having the best relationship that is not problematic.

Different extents of libido between spouses result in a single partner having a greater craving for it, as compared to the other partner. This war in the degrees of sex interest between the couples is a central nestle in a relationship and for this reason, this is supported by the many examples provided in this book. For instance, Dr. Penner articulates that sexual problems being experienced require to be handled with maturity and understanding from both parties. In addition, the writer asserts that communication is the most important weapon in any relationship when they experience this kind of an issue. When having problems in one’s sensual relationship, we are counselled to talk and deliberate about them all and never leave a stone unturned.

Moving from the Past Sexual Problems

Couples brawl a lot to win over the sexual problems that they might have practiced in their past idealistic life. This matter does not only disturb persons who are married; it will also impact individuals during their courtship moments. It is very clear that once individuals get into a marriage, they feel grateful to perform the sexual responsibilities with their spouses. Some individuals take this as the sought of the debt regarding their partners that are not unavoidably right. Understanding the Bible, we know that there is a feeling of mutual obligation that is achieved in the marriage. Further, it is articulated that through the living God, there is usually an obligation of love that one is indebted to their partners when they get in the marriage organization (Penner & Penner, 2003).

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The wife and her husband in that marriage organization have the sole role of ensuring that they fulfil entirely what is needed of them by the living God who gives love that makes the best gift of sexual relationship (Beam, 2006). The chapter details that, in a marriage organization, there must be a feeling of affinity where every partner is anticipated to respond the love given by either spouse. It is this sense of obligation that makes couples participate in sex without relishing any section of it because they think that it is their role to accomplish (Beam, 2006).

This book highlights the means by which sex experience is made free from fear and guilt. Sex in a marriage does not have to feel being a load to any spouse (Beam 2006). It overwhelms logic, since in any case an individual who agrees to get married do that because of the primarly guilt love for one another. In his book, Dr. Penner urges that the married persons should make sure that they forget from their past sensual experiences. This is because the past sexual experiences contribute significantly to the couple not enjoying the sensual relationship in a marriage. It repudiates the couple a chance to fulfil their primary obligation in the relationship and make sex appear as a problem to them.

Finding Help

Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner in summarizing heir book inspire couples to seek assistance concerning sex in a marriage. It is clearly evident that the majority of couples agonize in muteness, and this issue is bigger than it seems. Sex is a holy act, since it was made by God and must, therefore, at all cost be enjoyed by the married couples as many times as possible (Beam, 2006). In this book, a married couple is given a profound look of what their friendship could suffer if they are not careful. Dr. Penner goes ahead into clarifying that if a single party is not comfortable in the sensual life, they must talk to the other spouse. If the two would not resolve the problem, this is where a professional support now comes convenient (Crossley, 2004).

Dr. Penner together with his wife recognize that there are people who still fight with the notion of the sex in a marriage. However, though a couple is already wedded, there is the nous of not being real if they are allowed to have sex as much as they need it. It must be renewed that since God made sex, this made it a polite gift for all people in the marriage organization. Nobody must be left to agonize in the silence. Married individuals are fortified to seek assistance to be capable of talking about their sensual life in a marriage. Sex in marriage must not be imagined to be a burden to any family, but taken as a signal of love. It should, therefore, be enjoyed (Stanton & Healther, 2002). 

The proceeding chapters advise on seeking support from a professional marriage and sex therapists that can assist them in getting over their issues. In the New Testament, Christians are heartened to turn to the living God through prayers to help get over their problems regarding sex. There are many problems that hinder persons from enjoying sex, and they must not be frightened to seek counsel. Dr. Penner maintains that the professional assistance is highly sensible as problems that might ascend from past knowledge could be professionally touched. It is essential for individuals to be assisted to differentiate among the current and the past (Blechner, 2002).


In conclusion, in a marriage, Dr. Penner elucidates that there must be a feeling of shared interest when it comes to sex. In the New and Old Testaments it is emphasised that in the entire sexual relationship the couple has, both spouses must be contented with it before appealing. Most spouses have had problems with sex experiences since they lack mutual understanding. When one spouse is in the disposition for it and the other is not, Dr. Penner asserts that the two must not be involved in the sex engagement. This is because, when it is a male or a female who is not in mood for sex, nobody can be forced to enchanting in an action that the body is not willing to participate. The Bible evidently highlights that, before the God’s eyes, the man and woman are identical, and they both have common rights and obligations.

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